Bleach Rants
by RinLune
Summary: A series of bleach characters on a TV shows as guests ranting about what they like, don't like, and everything that comes up in fan mail.


"Okay welcome to the first chapter of the Bleach Rant! Where all characters, well not all at once, but where all characters come and rant about what they like and dislike and so forth about stories crazy fan girls put them in. Today we have three guests. Let me introduce Gin Ichimaru everyone!" A bright bouncy woman with long dark brown hair that reached her hips said gesturing her hand towards the silver haired snake whom turned towards the camera,

"Hello." He said casually with the permanent smile tugged at his lips, sitting in a blue cushioned seat next to our second guest.

"Nnoitra Jiruga you see him right? Right it's impossible to miss him haha ah no offense Nnoitra. Anyway our last guest is Grimmjow Jaegerjaques. Ah ha...lord help me." The woman whispered under her breath having the microphone that seemed like it was glued to her hand pulled away as the words had tumble off her lips.

"First off we'll read some mail to get them started. Since you know they don't really want to be here and are to impacient just to sit still for fifteen minutes or so."

"Do you want to die?" Grimmjow snapped at the glittering woman who was either oblivious to his words or just ignored him, either way Grimmjow's brow started to twitch.

"Okay bring in the mail!" She barked loudly making a couple of people in the crowd wince, there was a loud mechanic squealing like sound,

"What the hell is that?" Nnoitra asked looking around holding onto the blue cushioned arm rest as the shaking from the mechanical device gotten worse. The woman looked up and stepped aside as a huge bag was dropped through the roof onto the set where fan mail hit the three men like a waterfall.

"The fuck! That's it I'm going to kill you!"

"Ah!" Being tackled into the letters, security came in quickly having Grimmjow pried off the bubbly brunet woman who huffed and puffed with her hair in all kinds of directions. Some directions she thought impossible since gravity should have brought it down. But it refused to. Getting up she sat down trying to flatten her hair but gave up on it as it was futile.

"Okay lets read the first letter." Brows puckered together on Gins face as he held at least ten letter in each hand.

"Which exactly is the first letter?" She secretly scooted closer to the silver head man for slight protection from the blunet.

"Ah this one. It's so cute and pink! Okay, this one is to...Yammy, I'll save this another time. Eeh...maybe not." Ripping it in half she reached for another one that's blue hoping it was to at least Grimmjow. Pulling it open she grinned, it was too him.

"Okie dokie Grimmjow this one is for you. And before I start remember to feel free to speak your mind about it. Not that you hold your tongue for anything anyway okay-"

"Damn straight."

"Dear Grimmjow-kun how old are you really? I keep reading things and they keep changing your age." A visible brow twitched at that.

"Hell if I know the ass who made me never gave me an age. But I'm telling you it's really pissing me off how one moment I'm 15 then 35, then 22, and so fucking on. I mean people stay on a fucking number!"

"Yeah I agree you really think this face is 18? Hah!" Nnoitra asked pointing at Grimmjows furrowed brows that wrinkled slightly.

"Fuck off you Slim Jim . No one in the fucking world would believe you are under the age of thirty!"

"The fuck did you say?" Nnoitra raised slightly in the plush blue seat along with Grimmjow as Gin just sat there smiling watching the duo along with the woman who has yet introduced her name. Who's hair also seemed like a mail holder at the moment.

"You heard me old man!"

"Shut up you are all probably older than 100 so be proud you aren't a skinny, wrinkly, old man who's dick is out of order!" They fell into silence looking at the woman who straightened out her pastel green sleeved shirt while glaring at them.

"So Gin how do you feel about this?" He leaned back into the chair his eyes opening for only a moment showing those icy aqua ice.

"Well they always make me between 16-29 so I'm fine with it. Unlike the old men over there." He pointed to the two men who stared at him calmly before turning heated, both shooting out of their chair towards the thin male. Security was there in an instant, where was security when her hair was being modified as a mail carrier?

"Eh you wanna see something old? I'll show ya the dirt on the bottom of my foot you no good fox!" Both cursing, taking a good five minutes to settle the balls of fire. But even then they still twitched with want. Want to strangle our good friend Gin.

"Okay next question." She pulled a letter out of her hair, frowning at the thought for a moment that this was live television and she just pulled stuff out of her hair like a magic hat. Only you can see what's going on with it.

"Ah to Gin. How do you feel about being race changed? Like in one story you're a vampire and the next your human, then shinigami again and so forth? From anon. Strange they usually send stuff in that usually piss everyone off heh..."

"Well I personally don't mind. It's a very nice to explore things people change you into. My favorite would have to be vampire though. Or maybe this robot someone turned me into once...that was sure interesting." He trailed off going into thought.

"You're a fucking freak. I want to stay the way I was created. A fucking hollow. No soul. You don't feel hungry or any of that shit. Unlike with vampires not only are your hungry, craving blood, but some of the fucking chicks out there make it horny as well!" Grimmjow exclaimed, Nnoitra nodded.

"Yeah then you just wanna fuck something you just ate. Which may I remind you is just fucked up. I mean it's dead, and you don't care if it's an animal, human, or another vampire you just wanna screw it. Yo Grimm remember Yammy's dog?" Nnoitra asked turning to the blue haired man who's face fell from anger into disgust. A visible shiver came from the both of them.

"When I was a robot I could pour alcohol from my finger tips. That was fun. Ever seen Donald Trump piss his pants? Priceless." Gin said but it went ignored by the other two. The woman blinked widely before turning her attention back to Grimmjow and Nnoitra.

"Poor thing...then it had kids. Now that is the definition of fucked up. Nothing like a human/vampire/dog. I wonder how Szayel's kids are doing in that story." Nnoitra shook his head leaning back into the blue chair finally relaxing a bit.

"Well it suits Szayel well, he was missing a few screws to begin with."

"No shit. Anyway they should keep us one race. One. That's it. Not ten, not twenty. One. You fucking fan girls are screwing up our reality on shit. One day I'll wake up with super powers and then the next day I am a normal human in a street gang owing some prick money. I mean what the fuck? Make up your damn minds!" Grimmjow huffed and puffed yelling at the camera that was a few feet away from him, amused the girls brows went to her hair line.

"Yeah which makes me thing what the hell are you doing with this yaoi shit? I mean one day I'm straight and the next day I'm flamboyantly gay! I don't like gay! I like my swing going straight. Not side by side or in circles. Just straight-"

"No kidding I can't tell you how many times people made me someones bitch or something. But my question is why the hell do they always pair me up with the same guy almost all the fucking time? Also Why the hell did you make me Uke for Ulquiorra? Are you fucking kidding me! And that Ichigo bastard? If anything I'm pure Seme bitches. And you best remember that or I'ma fucking kill you with the powers or no powers you gave me!" The security guards were now pulling Grimmjow away from the crowed as he was approaching some girls who were cowering from him.

"Okay I think this will be wrapped up for today- Grimmjow wha- NO DO NOT KILL THE GIRLS! THEY ARE INNOCENT!"

"Bullshit! The day they are innocent is the day that they stop writing gay sex!" She quickly turned to the camera,

"Till next time- GRIMMJOW NO NOT HER HAIR TOO!"

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><p>I know I have other stories, but I'm just not inspired at the moment, so I decided to make a rant that will be updated every now and then. Just when I'm feeling bumed I guess... I am working on them though. Slowly but surely.<p>

This is my depression sucking blanket so please no negative comments.


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